Sunday League Scout
Drag four sliders. Find out which lad in your five-a-side you actually are.
A proper mock-scout report for the way you kick a ball. Set your backlift, your contact, your scream volume and how far back you start your run-up — we'll plot you on the pitch and hand you a verdict, deadpan, with a goals-vs-own-goals line you won't enjoy. Fire it into the group chat and start the argument. (Everyone's one of these. Yes, you too.)
Reckon you're one of these?
THE TOE-PUNT MERCHANT
Not interested in the finesse. Sees a ball, sees the front of his boot, introduces the two. No spin, no plan, all power. Row Z is not a miss to this man — it's a statement of intent.
Goals: 0 · Own goals: 3 · Net: -3 · Row Z clearances: 10 · Passes attempted: 0
Open this card →THE SILENT ASSASSIN
Says nothing all game. No backlift to speak of, no theatrics, no run-up. Then dinks one top bins and jogs back deadpan like it was nothing. Quietly the best player here and slightly unnerving for it. Composed on the ball — and this time it's true.
Goals: 5 · Own goals: 1 · Net: +4 · Screams per 90: 1 · Passes attempted: 2
Open this card →THE BANSHEE
You'll hear him before you see him, and you'll see him do nothing. Calls 'MAN ON' from the halfway line, calls 'SQUARE IT' when it's already squared, makes zero tackles all game. Screaming: elite. End product: pending.
Goals: 1 · Own goals: 3 · Net: -2 · Screams per 90: 22 · Hospital passes: 3
Open this card →(Everyone's one of these. Yes, you too.)